Aladdin a very rotten flick!

Aladdin is finally here!  I’m sure you don’t need to hear my thoughts because you’re going to see it anyway as it’s another Disney movie based on a beloved classic.  All I will do is tell you that it’s garbage and a complete abomination on mankind – do not touch this filthy slimy product! I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.

When I first saw this image I thought this was straight off the set of Aquaman.

The original Aladdin is one of my favourite animated movies. A simple tale of different classes finding each other and even falling in love. It’s about being yourself and how going for your dreams will get you far in life, but in case you didn’t quite get that in the original movie, this one will keep reminding you like an annoying App notification!!

This new Aladdin movie was dumb, like really dumb. Scenes from the original movie are butchered in this one as they’re either brushed through way too quickly, they go on for far too long or they completely change the character motives for no reason! It’s also half an hour longer than the original so this one needed to gain some unnecessary weight.

Also, spoilers if you care!

It follows the exact same story as the original but since it’s over two hours long the pacing is off. The opening scene is really bad as you have no idea what’s happening. I have seen the original loads of times, but the opening is confusing as it rushes through Will Smith narrating on a boat for no reason and the discovery of the Cave of Wonders, while this really bad version of Arabian Nights is playing in the background. Will Smith cannot sing! It’s so badly auto tuned that it ruins the song.

The introduction of Aladdin and Jasmine is combined in the same scene as One Jump Ahead and Jasmine seeing the streets of Agrabah for the first time, because obviously they don’t have enough time for us to get to know these characters first.  Aladdin is pretty much the same except in this version his hideout has secret stairs and it turns into like a full on bachelor pad. He’s also incredibly dumb, which is something everyone goes through at some point in this movie.

Agrabah – been rivaling Singapore for cleanest city on the entire planet since 1992.

Jasmine and Jafar are the characters that get the worst treatment. Jasmine from the old movie must have been too uninteresting as she just wanted to leave her home, while this one wants to also lead armies and prove she can do stuff too! There is this whole army subplot which feels so forced as we never see the places they refer to. It’s also so cringey that they’re trying to make Jasmine a stronger character for no reason. Jafar is an egomaniac. He wants the lamp and he hates the Sultan even though the movie doesn’t do a good job at showing it. He and Jasmine prove to be both incredibly intelligent and incredibly brain dead at various times throughout the movie.

We rush through The Cave of Wonders to get to the Genie. The Genie is okay. Will Smith doesn’t come close to Robin Williams, as he’s just not as expressive or animated. Same with every character, they’re all just passable. Also the design of this Genie looks like a poor photoshop job and Will Smith ruined my favourite song from the original movie with a terrible musical number.

Just like with Beauty and the Beast the worst parts of this movie are when they try to add anything new. I already mentioned that stupid war subplot, but the worst one is how they explain why no one recognises Aladdin when he is a prince. The Genie says the charm he put on him makes it so no one will recongise him. For a while this works until after Aladdin and Jasmine have the iconic carpet ride. Jasmine says he’s Aladdin, and Aladdin gives a really lame excuse that he isn’t. She buys it, but I don’t understand why would she say he’s Aladdin if the Genie hid his identity from everyone. This is what I was talking about earlier, with Aladdin doing a complete one eighty. Once Aladdin became Prince Ali his confidence disappeared and he became like a shy 13 year old.

I’m not looking for a friend like him.

He’s more confident when he’s facing Jafar.  Jafar threatens to kill Aladdin to find the lamp, which feels too far out of character and also so many things could go wrong for him. I know it doesn’t make much sense in the original, but it makes even less sense in this movie. In the original Jasmine had dealt with too many princes so a bigshot like Prince Ali didn’t interest her and with Jafar he just kept his distance until he had the proof he needed to take action. Sometimes the most simple explanation is the best and you can always fill in the gaps with your mind. That’s something to keep in mind Disney!

The ending is dumb! Jafar gets the lamp from Aladdin for no reason other than having a fight with the Genie earlier. Jafar steals the lamp from Aladdin by sneaking through sheets. Oh yeah, the editing in this movie is quite bad at some points. Then you have the final battle where it’s incredibly rushed. Jafar wastes his first wish on becoming Sultan, which takes the characters so long to figure out, Oh yeah we don’t need to follow this guy! They beat Jafar and Aladdin’s last wish is to free the Genie and in this version freeing the Genie turns him into a regular person, which is a really bad idea because if some greedy person like Jason Alexander’s character from the Return of Jafar found that lamp, then they’re all screwed! THIS IS NOT A HAPPY ENDING. YOU PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE DANCING AND HAVING FUN. WE SHOULD ALL BE EXTREMELY WORRIED!!!!!

It’s interesting that Jafar is more cartoony than the Genie.

So overall I was not a fan of this remake. It’s full of stupid stuff and it’s pretty bland. I guess the set and costume design are great. It’s sometimes entertaining and other times very annoying. It’s colourful, I’ll give it that and the visuals are okay, expect for the Genie. I don’t see myself ever watching it again when I know there is a far better one on my shelf so I’m going with a 4 to 5/10. As I said at the start if you’re going to watch it then go and watch it. If you’ve got kids, make them watch the original over this desperate cash grab. It’s an okay distraction while you’re busy doing better things, like complaining about that new Lion King movie – I saw the trailer of that before seeing Aladdin and it looked atrocious!  Hoped you enjoyed and I have been The Blog Complainer, Signing Out.